I like that it's diverse
Some unanswered questions on running and mothering in colour
Every mom knows about the Mom Groups. The listservs, the Facebook groups, the group texts. You’re inducted into them by neighbours and friends, like a secret source of social capital, a whisper network of traditional knowledge about everything from feeding a picky toddler to parenting a volatile teen.
Every so often on the groups, someone asks: I’m looking to move or We’re moving here for a job opportunity. Where do you live? What do you like about it?
And someone else in my groups will say, I like that it’s safe or it’s walkable or I like that it’s diverse.
And I wonder, what do people actually mean when they say they like diversity?
As an immigrant woman of East Asian heritage, it means finding at least a few people who understand that culture and get my dumb in-jokes. (Bonus points for Singaporean in-jokes.)
It means feeling warm and fuzzy walking down a busy city street, even one that physically looks like it’s crumbling a little, because it’s full of Vietnamese aunties chatting and hauling their shopping, which also signals that I’ll probably find good and somewhat familiar dinner ingredients here.
It means being able to find a hair salon that knows what to do with my hair texture (straight, thick, coarse) and not breaking the bank.
It means critical mass so I’m not feeling like the ‘only’ absolutely everywhere and my kids don’t have to be ‘the only’ at their school. It means not bearing the sole responsibility for representation. I also enjoy getting to know folks from other cultures and understanding why something is important to them and celebrating those cultures.
It means socioeconomic diversity. It means no defaults. It means no default mode of expressing wealth or culture or status. It means no expected default mode of being yourself.
I like that it’s diverse probably means something different for someone else who has a different kind of majority privilege.
What does that question mean to us as runners?
I know that distance running can be diverse. I mean, I’m already here. In many spaces there is no default mode of being a runner.
But apparently I can be a mom of colour or a runner of colour or a mom who runs, but not all three. Why are there clubs and crews that centre runners of colour where I feel whole and welcome — and separate groups that centre runners who are mothers? Why do I feel like I’m constantly carrying the weight of representation at that intersection, and why am I jogging in place at that intersection to keep myself warm, and why is the light never changing?
Where is my critical mass of women runners of colour who are also negotiating parenthood? (Throw in ‘runners who want to perform at a high level after motherhood’, like Tracksmith’s Stamata team, and the intersection shrinks further.) Is this simply such a tiny and knife-edged intersection that we have all fallen off?
Where are you?
Yeah, as someone who also works full time for pay, it's next to impossible to do all the things I want and show up in all the communities I want, and that's still true even as my own kids get older (and suddenly have more of their own activities after school and in the evenings!)
(I've been bouncing around a heuristic that goes something like: does it bring my family closer, does it do some good in the world, does it curb our carbon footprint? but it's not fully formed yet)
I wonder if what I'm searching for isn't more of a mindset and a sense of kindred than anything else. Just, people who get it on all of the different levels at the same time...
This made me think, so thank you! Prototypical white lady runner weighing in.😅 I’ve always been a solo runner because I prefer to have more control over my schedule, but now I’m a mom and that feels like less of a choice than a reality? There are a ton of run clubs around us that represent a huge variety of “interests/unifying qualities,” and I’ve had a ton on my radar to check out, but now as a mom (and until recently a mom who worked full time outside of the home), I found it challenging to join any of them because I wasn’t able to join something at 6am or 6pm on a weekday, and my weekends felt like my rare opportunity for family time. So I guess I’m still trying to sort out and find my group, and I wonder if the lack of mom-centric groups is because we’re all just trying to fit out workouts into the cracks of our responsibilities. And who the hell has time to organize something one more thing. 😒🫠
I’m curious, what would a mom-centric running group look like for you? Social aspects centering around that identity? Times and places and logistics friendly to common family needs? Stroller friendly or opps to involve kids?